Step back, Stand out.


In this world, it is easy to set aside everyone else and focus on your life ambitions. Material ambitions are often within easy reach if you would just devote your whole life to your job. Rising in the ranks of the prosperous and wealthy is easy to reach if you are willing to live your entire life in working. Disregard everything else. Carry the burdens of job and profession, never mind your vocation.

In this kind of life, you will find that it is cut throat, and void of emotions. There is no space for kindness or compassion, just pure goal-oriented passion. The weak and caring die easy and the strong and cunning will succeed.

And yet, it is easy to get lost in this kind of life. It is easy to lose your meaning and purpose. Just take away your job. Take away the material possessions. Then, you will find your life without a purpose. On the flip side, just get your car, or your condo unit or your house – if those are your only goals. Then, you will seek a bigger one or a better one. Then, you will find yourself chasing the wind. Nothingness.

When you live that kind of life, whether you succeed or fail, it is easy to lose your soul. This is why it is important to go away and look back at what you have been doing and have done. It is important to take a heart check and find God – or whoever deity you believe as supreme. You don’t necessarily have to stop your whole life. It’s just a pit stop to see if your wheels are still working or if you still have gas in the tank.

In a span of two days, I tried to embark on that journey to find God. I wanted to find the right build for my character. I am trying to find the right feeling in meditation. I have that deeper longing to know that Higher Being. I want to ask God for directions and listen for his answer. Thus, I joined the Soul Searching Weekend of Project Grow in Sacramento Valley Resort in Tanay, Rizal.

I was actually expecting that this is my chance to finally find a peaceful place and reflect. However, God seemed to have a different way of leading me to an answer. I found myself facilitating the weekend event. It was not hard on my part really, because I have done that several times in the past but it was not what I was expecting. I was silently praying for a quiet moment, but God gave me a loud task to perform. I was secretly hoping to sit down and be one with the crowd, but God wanted me to stand out. The funny thing though was I found myself poised and ready. I was not in charge but I was serving. I was a humble servant instead of the complaining and reluctant leader that I was supposed to be. I was at the beck and call of the head program organizer but I couldn’t find it in myself to complain. Instead I found peace.


What is more incomprehensible is that when we were given a time to reflect and seek God, I found myself drawing a blank. I actually lost my voice and my complaints. I wanted to cry out and find that spiritual feeling but there was no tear only a calm reassurance that God was doing something for me. There were no hair-raising feeling or deep gut wrenching guilt, just silence and nothingness.

Apparently in the process of jumping into the front lines and giving my all, God was already giving me answers to my questions. In the process of allowing my self to get drenched in the rain just to transport our supplies, when I allowed myself to be pulled out of the group to assist in setting up each activity, when I stayed up late while waiting for every group to wrap up their discussions, God has already sent me a message loud and clear.

As much as I would like to share what Gid has sent me, I would like to maintain the privacy of our conversation. However, what I wanted to point out is that in our busy life, we all need to step back and find out what best fills our soul. There is a huge value in going out of the city to assess our life and make the necessary adjustments. Call God if you will or if not, just sit still and stare at a burning candle or flame for a few moments. Or maybe, just stare at the moon or at a vast landscape, do anything to find your soul. It will lead you to the right frame of mind.